“Only Thing Holding Me Back Is Fear of Failure AGAIN”

DEDICATION 1-10: “10! Only thing holding me back is fear of failure AGAIN.”

A woman wrote that on her application to work with me. And I’ve read some version of that more times than you’d believe.

“I dive in, overdo it, and back off. That’s my pattern.”

“I yo-yo. Do well, then fall off.”

If that sounds like you, here’s what I’ve learned after more than 12 years in medicine and years of coaching women: You’re not bad at sticking to a plan. You just had the wrong plan.

Here’s how it usually goes. You decide this is the time. You start working out five days a week, cut out sugar, track all your food, and walk 10,000 steps. Week one feels great! By week two you’re sore, tired and behind. Then one thing goes wrong. Maybe it’s a bad night’s sleep, a sick grandkid, or your knee is acting up. The whole plan collapses, and you add it to the list of times you “failed.”

Here’s the thing: That plan was built to collapse! Nobody can go from zero to everything and maintain it. Not you, and definitely not me.

So this time, start smaller.

• Two strength workouts a week. Not five.

• Two or three weeks just learning the movements. Most of your early strength gains come from your brain learning to coordinate well with your muscles – give that the time it needs.

• One food habit. Not seven.

• A 10-minute walk after one meal a day. Not 10,000 steps every day.

It’ll feel like you’re not doing enough. That’s fine – that’s the point! The idea is to start racking up some wins, so you realize you’re someone who can do this, and you can make it part of your life. Once you see a little progress, it gets a lot easier to believe. Then you build up, slowly but surely.

The women I’ve watched get strong in their 60s, 70s, and 80s aren’t the ones who never “mess up.” They’re the ones who just never let a mess-up stop them.